Take this simple test to find out:
1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do you
break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up
inbreds on national television, with IQs roughly equal to their shoe size.
2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What
do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
(c) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a
marching band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of orthopaedic
surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a
rabbit. What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is
still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died
quickly
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering,
whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an
awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses.
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things. See the doctor if it
gets worse.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faith healer in
an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head, whilst screaming
about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds, then sue the
mattress manufacturer.
5. What did you have for breakfast this morning?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, a slice of toast and a mug of tea
(b) A glass of orange juice, a croissant and a cup of coffee
(c) A bag of microwaved donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six
eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup and whipped butter,
ten waffles, five corn dogs and a diet root beer.
6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What
sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office.
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel.
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas,
presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming
disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a
youth club.
(c) Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic
weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in, watching something funny on TV. What kind of
comedy do you choose?
(a) A witty sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like The Two Ronnie’s or the Fast show
(c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the
audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a super
glued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight
wisecrack.
9. There are peace talks in another part of the world. What does your
country do?
(a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if needed
(b) Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides
(c) Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over the talks.
10. There is a war in another part of the world, does your country:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and step in when
necessary.
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed and bring the
culprits to justice.
(c) Invade the country, flattening all buildings, fire at all allied and
enemy aeroplanes killing everyone no matter which side they're on. After
all, a kill is a kill.
11. Your city has been the victim of a terrorist attack. You should:
(a) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible.
(b) Treat victims, clean up, find those responsible and bring them to
justice.
(c) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible, but continue to
support and fund terrorist activities abroad.
12. You're on holiday abroad, do you?
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward to getting home
(c) Complain and whinge that the country that you are visiting is nothing
like home, and where's the nearest McDonalds?
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