That, of course, was predictable because everybody with e-mail knows there’s no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC.

Anyway, this guy went to sleep one day and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said “Call 911,” but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled “Join the crew!”

He knew it wasn’t a hoax because he was a computer programmer himself and was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around. And it's a little known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It’s true. I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

Anyways, the poor man tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy’s expense. Then, reaching into the coin-return slot, he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle, around which was wrapped a note that said, “Welcome to the world of AIDS.”

Luckily, he was only a few blocks from a hospital-the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, You know, the boy whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.
I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x’s and o’s in the shape of an angel. (If you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck, but only 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you forward it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So, anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at that car and he was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive four green M&Ms. If you don’t, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck - you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your Wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant that clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your e-mail forever.

I know all of this is true because I read it on the Internet.