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Beckham's Jigsaw.
Alex Ferguson calls David Beckham into his office. "David", he says,
"I'm worried about your performance the last few games. You have been
hopeless, completely off form".
"Sorry boss", says Becks. "I've not been myself lately. I've got a few
problems at home."
"Oh dear" says Fergie, pretending to care "What's up? Posh & Brooklyn OK?"
"Oh, they're fine,” says Becks. "It's just that something's really bugging
me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I can't concentrate on my football
and it's really messing me up."
"Whatever's the matter, David?" says Fergie.
"Well boss" says Becks "it's pretty serious. You see, I'm really stuck on
this jigsaw, and...."
"A jigsaw!!" shouts Fergie. "You're f&#king up every time you play because
of a bloody jigsaw??!!"
"Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing my head in,” says
Becks in that horrible whining voice. "It's really hard and it's this
picture of a tiger. It looks really good on the box and I'm sure I've got
all the bits and everything, but I can't get it right and it's doing my
head in and I even had my hair cut to try & cool my brain down and."
"David, David, David" says Fergie. "You've got to get a grip. It's
affecting our games and nothing is as important as Man U's success, other
than Roy Keane's wages, obviously."
"Yeah boss" says Becks "but it's this picture of a tiger and it looks
really good on the box and I really want to finish it but it's really hard
and it's doing my head in and it's this picture...and it's a tiger and
it's hard and I can't make the bits fit and, er, it's really hard, er,
boss, and, er, it's a tiger, er..... On the box...er...boss"
Fergie waits until even Becks realises he's repeating himself, and has got
nothing else to say, which took a bit longer than usual.....
"David" he says, with that conceited, irritating, smug smile he uses for
self-congratulatory post-match interviews. "Bring the tiger jigsaw in &
let's have a look at it. For Christ's sake, we've got to get you back to
playing football"
"Oh thanks, boss" says Becks "that'd be really helpful 'cos it's really
hard & it's a picture of a tiger & it's doing my head in, that tiger is"
So Becks brings the tiger jigsaw into Fergie's office. "Here it is, boss,”
he says, showing Fergie the picture on the box.
"Look boss, it's this tiger, right, and it's a really good picture and
everything but I just can't do it & it's really hard and it's doing my
head in & it's this picture here of a tiger " and Becks empties all the
pieces from the box all over Fergie's desk.
Fergie looks at what's on his desk, and the dusty cloud now hanging over
it.
He looks up at David Beckham.
"David, put the Frosties back in the box"
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