David Beckham is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'. One little boy stands up and offers, "that if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be a tragedy." "No", Beckham says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Beckham. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent, none of the children volunteer. "What?" asks Beckham? "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says, "If an aeroplane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful," Beckham beams. "Marvelous, and can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy "because it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

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Q: What happens when a Man U fan takes viagra?
A: He gets taller!

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David Beckham's manager has just announced a vital career move for the footballer after his World Cup footballing failure. In order to be near Victoria Adams (Posh Spice) he is to replace Ginger Spice in the Spice Girls' line up. He will be known as "Waste of Spice".