Crushed Nuts:

When a 40-year old man turned up at a hospital asking to see a doctor
specialising in men's troubles, he was shown into a cubicle, where he
gingerly unwrapped three yards of foul smelling stained gauze from
around his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a
grapefruit.

On further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was missing completely and, embedded within the swollen, tender and weeping wound, were a number of dark objects which the patient confessed were one inch staple nails from an industrial staple gun.

It transpired that the man spent his lunchtimes alone in his workshop, where he regularly enjoyed the sexual thrill of placing his penis on the moving canvas fan-belt of a piece of machinery.

One day, the excitement had caused him to lose his concentration, and the
fan-belt had snatched his scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several feet across the floor tearing off his left nut.

Rather than go to the hospital, he performed first-aid on himself with the
stapling gun, then went back to work when his colleagues returned. It was two weeks before he got around to visiting the hospital.

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Flower Power:

A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood
dripping down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had
a geranium insert in his penis.

The man got the flower in without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra and ripped it to shreds.