A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to his works fancy dress party.
He thinks; what can a bald one legged man go dressed as, he decides to write to the fancy dress shop, explain his dilemma and see if they can give him any advice.

The following week he receives a parcel with a note, “dear Mr. Jones, find enclosed pirate outfit, the headscarf will hide your bald head and with your wooden leg you will look the part.”

Mr. Jones is annoyed, he feels that they are having a laugh at his wooden leg, so he writes them a stinking letter of complaint.

the following week he receives another parcel with a note, “dear Mr. Jones, sorry, find enclosed monks costume, the long cloak will hide your wooden leg and with your bald head you will look the part,”

Mr. Jones is even more annoyed, he feels that they are having a laugh at his bald head, so he writes them a real stinking letter of complaint.

The following week he receives another parcel with a note, “dear Mr. Jones, find enclosed tin of treacle, pour it over your head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a f***ing toffee apple.