God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

__ Newspaper      __ Other Book
__ Television        __ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience
__ Tabloid            __ Burning Shrubbery
__ Bible                __ Torah
__ Other (specify): _______________


2. Which model God did you acquire?

__ Yahweh   __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet
__ Jehovah  __ Jesus
__ Allah      __ Satan
__ God        __ I acquired a GodDESS
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god thank you very much!


3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes __ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:
_______________________________________________________


4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god?
Please check all that apply.

__ Indoctrinated by parents   __ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society    __ Needed focus in who to despise
__ Imaginary friend grew up   __ Hate to think for myself
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys __ Desperate need for certainty
__ Wanted to piss off parents __ Needed a day away from work
__ Fear of death                     __ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ Like Organ Music       __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it


5. Have you ever worshipped a God before? Is so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

__ Odin                     __ Right Wing Conservatism
__ Zeus                     __ The Almighty Dollar
__ Apollo                  __ Left Wing Liberalism
__ Ra                        __ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ The Great Spirit   __ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun                __ Bill Clinton
__ The Moon              __ A burning cabbage
__ The Bomb              __ Other: ________________
__ I TOLD you already, I worship a GODDESS!


6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Tarot                             __ Lottery
__ Astrology                       __ Television
__ Fortune cookies               __ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network  __ Dianetics
__ Palmistry                         __ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help books                __ Sex, drugs and rock and roll
__ Biorhythms                       __ Bill Clinton
__ Tea Leaves                       __ EST
__ Mantras                           __ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals                           __ Human Sacrifice
__ Pyramids                          __ Wandering around a desert
__ Insurance                         __ Burning shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D                  __ Other: _____________________
__ Barney Fife                       __ None


7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?


8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

a. Disasters
flood                1   2   3   4   5
famine              1   2   3   4   5
earthquake        1   2   3   4   5
war                  1   2   3   4   5
pestilence         1   2   3   4   5
plague              1   2   3   4   5
SPAM              1   2   3   4   5
AOL                1   2   3   4   5

b. Miracles
rescues                                      1    2    3    4    5
spontaneous remissions                1    2    3    4    5
stars hovering over towns            1    2    3    4    5
crying statues                             1    2    3    4    5
water changing to wine                 1    2    3    4    5
walking on water (other                1    2    3    4    5
than the Hudson)
talking flaming shrubbery             1    2    3    4    5
VCRs that set their own clocks      1    2    3    4    5
Saddam Hussein still alive             1    2    3    4    5
Cubs winning the Series                1    2    3    4    5
Clinton's re-election                     1    2    3    4    5


9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):
_______________________________________________________
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Thank you!