Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing “The Haka”
before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to suggest
pre-match rituals of their own.
The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and
attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning about how they
invented the game, and gave
it to the world, and how it’s not fair that everyone can beat them now.
The Scotland team will chant, “You lookin’ at me Jimmy?” before smashing
an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a
Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their
dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.
Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA.
Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory,
claim it as their own “Las In-Goals-Areas” and then be forcibly removed by
the Stewards.
Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than
the other thirteen whom they will coral between the posts whilst they
claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years they will
alter the records to show that they were in fact the most important team
in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called “Saving No-8
Lyle”.
Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of
the side to ransom.
The Italian team will arrive in red penis-substituting cars, sexually
harass the female stewards and then run away.
The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch mow it and then
claim that it was all in line with the European “grass quotas”. They will
then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time.
The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good
salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the
pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground
(with a subsidy from the UK Government).
The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the
opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the
halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half and burn the
officials.
The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing
and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their mates to come and
live with them in Shepherds Bush before beating up all the women on the
touchline.
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