He said... Fancy a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

He said (afterwards)... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

He said... 'If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well.'
She said...'Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me in bed, we could do without the gardener too'

He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king.'
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen.'

On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it: 'I do not'

Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said..'Who's gonna look?'

He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She said...No, have you?

He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."