Smileys!
Big smileys, small smileys, cool smileys, common smileys, smileys everywhere.
What do they mean? Why should you use them? Here is a selection of some of the smileys appearing on the net.

Group 1, basic smileys for all ages

:-) is the basic happy smiley, used to suggest a sarcastic or joking
statement, or if you are just happy.
;-) Winky-eyed smiley. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic
remark. Use this and you are really saying "Don't hit me for what I
just said"
:-( Frowning smiley. User didn't like the last statement, or is unhappy or
depressed about something.
:-| Indifferent smiley. Better than a frowning smiley, but not as good as a
happy smiley.
:-> User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-)
>:-> User just made a devilish remark.
>;-> Winky and devil combined. Someone has made a really lewd remark.

Group 2, more advanced smileys.

:-! Foot in mouth.
:-# Wears braces/been hit in mouth.
:-$ Put your money where your mouth is/mouth wired shut.
:-% Banker.
:-& Tongue-tied.
:-' Spitting tobacco.
:-* Just ate something sour.
:-/ Skeptical.
:-0 NO yelling! (Quiet lab)
:-O Yelling.
:-1 Bland face.
:-6 After eating something sour.
:-7 Wry smile.
:-9 Licking one's lips.
:-< Sad (variation)
:-> Happy (variation)
:-? Pipe smoker.
:-] Reluctant smile.
:-} Reluctant smile (variation)
:-[ Vampire
:-@ Screaming.
:-D Laughing.
:-E Buck-teethed vampire.
:-F Buck-toothed vampire with one tooth missing.
:-P Sticking the tongue out.
:-Q Smoker/going for a smoke
:-X My lips are sealed.
:-C Bummed out.
:-e Disappointed.
:-i Semi-smiley.
:-o Shock.
:^) Smiley with a left-pointed nose.

Group 3, midget smileys.

:) Midget smiley.
:] Gleep (Midget smiley who will gladly be your friend)
=) Variation.
:( Sad.
:[ Real downer.

Group 4, some more mood and emotion smileys.

%-} Humour (variation)
%-{ Sad.
:_) Tongue firmly in cheek (or nose sliding off face)
#-) I partied all night.
%-/ Hungover.
P-) Getting fresh.
|-) Falling asleep.
.-) One-eyed.
:=) Two noses/nose job.
%+/ Loser of a fight.
|-| Asleep.
|-O Yawning/snoring.
*-) Was shot for the last remark/posting.
;-? Has been punched out for a sexist remark/submitting a sexist article.

Group 5, non-emotional smileys.

(-: Lefthanded (or australian)
%-) Has been staring at green screen for 15 hours straight.
[:] Robot.
::-) Wearing glasses (Hence the 4 eyes, geddit?)
B-) Wearing sunglasses.
B:-) Sunglasses on head.
R-) Wears broken glasses.
:<) Someone from an Ivy League school.
O-) Scubadiver.
(:)-) Scubadiver (variation)
3:] Pet smiley.
3:[ Mean pet smiley.
d8= Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hardhat.
(:| Egghead.
X-( Died/suicide.
:~) Has incredibly ugly nose and/or needs a nose job.
$-) Yuppie/just won the lottery.

Group 6, complex smileys.

<:-) For dumb questions.
d:^) Baseball player.
O:-) I'm so nice and innocent...
:-(*) About to puke.
:-)8 Well-dressed.
8:-) A little girl.
-:-) Mohawk/Mr T fan.
:-'| Has a cold.
:-)' Drooling.
':-) Had a shaving accident on one of the eyebrows.
:-{) Wears a moustache.
:-{} Wears lipstick.
{:-) Wears a toupee.
:'-( Crying.
:'-) Tears of joy.
-:-) Punk rocker.
-:-( Real punk rockers don't smile...
<|-) Chinese.
<|-( Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes.
C=:-) Chef.
8=:-) Chef (variation)
*<:-) Santa Claus.
[:-) Wearing a walkman.
@:-) Wearing a turban.
(-:|:-) Siamese twins.
C=}>;*{)) Mega smiley (a drunk devlish chef with a toupee in an updraft,
a moustache and a double-chin. )
~~:-( Net flame.
8:-| Net UNIX wizard.
:-)X Bowtie.
:-d~ Smokes heavily.
M:-) Salute (symbol of respect)
Q:-) New graduate.
=):-) Uncle Sam.
=|:-) Abe Lincoln.
4:-) George Washington.
5:-) Elvis.
7:-) Fred Flintstone.
>:*) Bozo the clown.
_:^) Native american (Indian)
>>-O -> General Custer.
#:O+= Betty Boop.
=:-H Plays for NHL.
>:-( A person who's sick and tired of reading this nonsense.
:-))) Is very overweight.
\:-) Wears a french hat.
C:-) Has large brain capacity.
]:-> The devil.

Group 7, smiley animals.

8) Frog.
|) Salamander.
:8) Pig.
3:-O Cow.
pp# Another cow.
:V Bird.
~~~~~8) Snake.
^..^ Cat, bat.

Group 8, not actually smileys at all, but hey, some of them are cool.

@= Nuclear tests/weapons.
o>-<|= Only women need apply.
~= Burning candle, to annotate flames.
o/ Raised hand.
_\\// Vulcan salute.

Group 9, miscellaneous.

^L^ Happy.
^(^ Happy (variation)
@|@ Too many hours at the terminal.
*L* Blotto.
^)^ ^(^ Two people talking.


Abbreviations.

[name] Hug.
(name) Warm fuzzy hug.
LOL Laughing Out Loud.
OTF On The Floor (laughing)
ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing.
AFK Away From Keyboard.
BAK Back At Keyboard.
BRB Be Right Back.
BBL Be Back Later.
TTYL Talk To You Later.
BTW By the way
FWIW For what it's worth
FYI For Your Information
IAE In any event
IMO In my opinion
IMHO In my humble opinion
IMCO In my considered opinion
IOW In other words
NRN No Reply Necessary
OTOH On the other hand
PITA Pain in the [...]
RSN Real Soon Now [which may be a long time coming]
SITD Still in the dark
TANSTAAFL There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch
TIA Thanks In Advance
TIC Tongue in cheek