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New Drugs for Women
D A M N I T O L --Take 2
and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T --Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N --Suppository that eliminates melancholy and
loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how
you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O --Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full
cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases
intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L --When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R --Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N --Potent anti-boy-otic for! older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better
person ..Can we get naked now?.
B U Y A G R A --Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases
potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N --Relieves headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet
seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T --A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be
used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers
in elevators.
N A G A M E N T --When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides
the same irritation level as nagging him.
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