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Hoah's New Ark!
In the year 2005, The Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in United
states, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
.....but no ark.
"Noah," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
Home Owner's Association zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Planning and Zoning
Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power, overpasses and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights
group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to
resolve a complaint with the Civil Rights Commission on how many
minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Also, the trades
unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with Ark building experience.
To make matters worse, the Customs and Immigration Agency seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No", said the Lord. "The Government has beat me to it."
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