Q: What is the definition of a lesbian ?
A: Just another damn woman trying to do a man's job.

Q: What's Blue and F**cks Grannies?
A: Hypothermia.

Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.

Q: What have BT and pelicans got in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their arse.

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.

Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.

Q: What have a fat woman and a moped got in common?
A: They're both OK for a ride until your mates find out.

Q: What's the difference between a woman from Wigan and a walrus?
A: One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other lives in the sea.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well endowed.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's probably screwed in too tight anyway

Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.

Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.

Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A rottweiler

Q. Why do they call it PMT?
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

Q. Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy and Penthouse?
A. It improves hand to eye coordination

Q. What's worse than a cardboard box?
A. Paper tits!

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
A. Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14 years of age.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Q. What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other?
A. A block of flaps

Q. What is 60 foot long and stinks of piss?
A. A conga in an old people's home!

Q. Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A. They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
A. God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Q. What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?
A. Toast is brown on both sides.

Q. What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A. Vomit.

Q. What do you call three dogs and a blackbird?
A. The Spice Girls

Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. They taste funny!

Q. What do you call two lesbian's in a closet?
A. A licker cabinet!

Q. What do lesbians need in order to become legal lesbians?
A. A licker license!

Q. What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian?
A. One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!
 

Q. What time does Michael Jackson go to bed?
A. When the big hand is on the little hand.