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Puns.
These are said to be
winners of some international punning contest...
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says: "Dam!".
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Not surprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other
says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. Friars behind on their belfry payments opened a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
good fathers to close down, but they would not. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, a thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Only
Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A
super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did!
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