Q. Why did God create woman?
A. To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
A. Phone her.

Q. Why do women fake orgasms?
A. Because they think men care.

Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak

Q. How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
A. One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.

Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Q. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A. Nothing, she's been told twice already.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it

Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it!

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. How is a woman like a condom?
A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q. What should you give a woman who has everything?
A. A man to show her how to work it.

Q. How are tornadoes and marriage alike
A. They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.

Q. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.

Q. Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q. Why do women have small feet ?
A. So they can get nearer to the sink.

Q. How many Yorkshire men does it take to make a cup of Tea ?
A. None that's women's work.

Q. How many women with PMT does it take to change a light bulb ?
A. 25. Why ? BECAUSE IT JUST DOES OK!

Q. How many ex wives does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A. Just one to hold the light bulb, whilst the world rotates around her.

Q. What do you call a woman with an I.Q. of four ?
A. Gifted.

Q. What is the smelliest thing in the world ?
A. A kipper's fanny.

Q. Why did the woman cross the road ?
A. More to the point what was she doing out of the Kitchen.

Q. What's that useless piece of skin around the edge of the vagina called?
A. A woman.