Armbreaker:
Particularly energetic wank.

Arse Spider:
Tenacious well knotted winnit that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it.

Audition the finger puppets:
A single-act, one-man show not suitable for children.

Autograph the gusset:
To allow the turtles head to sign the inside of your underpants.

Bacon strips:
External female genitalia.

Beef box:
A container into which sausages are put.

Benny Hill:
Rhyming slang, female contraceptive.

Brown Daisy:
Pleasantly scented flower, which attracts flies rather than bees.

Budgies tongue:
Descriptive, the female erective bit.

Bum Goblin:
A gnarled malevolent turd that jumps out behind you casting a painful spell on your ringpiece!

B.V.H:
Abbr, "Blue veined hooligan" A six inch tall, one-eyed skinhead.

Chugnuts:
Extremely large piles.

Cider Visor:
Beer goggles for the younger drinker.

Cliterature:
One-handed reading material.

Cockoholic:
One who is addicted to cockahol.

Conkers deep:
To be in a state of deep penetration.

Cough your filthy yoghurt:
Romantic expression for ejaculation.

Crunchie:
A sock worn the morning after being used as a wank-mop.

Disco fanny:
The full strength flavour achieved after 6 hours on a dance floor in PVC trousers.

Ditch Pig:
Affectionate term for an ugly fat girl.

Frog:
A formidable blast from the spunk trumpet where the ladies cheeks puff out like a bullfrogs.

Double bassing:
To have sex from behind while fiddling with the ladies left nipple with one hand and her budgies tongue with the other, a position similar to the one adopted for playing the double bass, though the sound is slightly different.

Drown some kittens:
To drown a litter of small stools.

Eating sushi off a barber shop floor:
Cunnulingus.

Face fannies:
Sideburns.

Feeding the pony:
One handed feeding of a lady*s toothless gibbon.

Five Pinter:
A very ugly woman you would only chat-up after five pints.

Fizzy gravy:
Rusty water, diahorrea.

Free the tadpoles:
To liberate the residents of ones wank tanks.

Fuckshitfuckshitsuckshit:
The sound made when driving through to narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Funbagtastic:
Exclm, may be uttered when seeing a large pair of breasts.

Granny's oysters:
Elderly female genitalia.

Greyhound:
Very short skirt, only an inch from the hare'.

Hairy Scallops:
Furry shellfish to be eaten when bearded clams are out of season.

Hand-to-gland combat:
Vigorous three-minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving a spam javelin.

Hefty-clefty:
Welly top, horses collar. Descriptive of a large vagina.

Lord of the pies:
Salad dodger, barge arse, Danny Baker.

Mexican lipstick:
Embarrassing facial tide mark found after eating out a lady who was up on the blocks.

Ming the merciless:
Death by chocolate starfish.

Monkey bath:
A bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go *Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!*.

Opera house:
A large vagina, with heavy pink safety curtains.

Pie-Liner:
A Femidom.

PIK:
Acronym, Pig In Knickers.

Pumpers Lump:
The condition of enhanced right arm muscle due to excessive wanking.

Quim Chin, Muff mouth:
A bearded fellow.

Release the chocolate hostage:
To liberate Richard the third.

Roy Castle's last blow:
A pathetic whimpering fart.

Starfish Trooper:
An Arsestronaut.

Tit Pants:
A Bra.

Tongue Punchbag,
Small man in a boat: See Budgie*s Tongue.

Two Bagger:
Someone so ugly that two bags are required, one to cover their head and one to cover yours in case theirs falls off.

Up on the blocks:
Monthly MOT failure due to recurring leak under the Beatle Bonnet.

Wet as an otter’s pocket:
Descriptive as to the moistness of a ladies kipper mitten.