MICROSOFT ANNOUNCEMENT

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 2000 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle. If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen. It reads "Windaz 2000" with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge. It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver

Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled 'shite'
Dialup Networking is called 'me mates'
Control Panel is known as 'how te fook aboot wi the settins'
The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
Floppies are known as 'Them lit'l plastic bastads'

Other Features:
OK = alreet
Cancel = fook that like
Yes = aye
No = nee fookin' chance
Find = gan gerit ya fooking sel'
Goto = owa there
Help = ah canna dee it
Stop = divvent move
Start = haddaway and shite
Settings = settins
Programs = stuff that daes stuff
Personal folder = mah shite

Also note that Windaz 2000 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks

Some programs that are exclusive to Windaz 2000:

tiperiter = a word processor
cullarin book = a graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
pikchas = a graphics viewer
dole = accounting software
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by postcode and price of Brown Ale
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
tax records = usually an empty file
kappa tracksuit = usually a 5 meg file inventory

We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.